Apprenticed, Still
Twenty-nine years after I first followed a pack in the bush, I am still closer to the start of the work than the end of it.
The apprenticeship is the part of my life I am most often asked about and least able to describe. I was seventeen, I was too young to understand what was being offered, and Jack Wren was a tracker in his sixties who agreed to take me on for reasons he never quite articulated. What I learned from him over those six years does not fit in any curriculum I know of. Most of it was silence. The rest of it was the discipline of waiting until the country is ready to tell you something.
Twenty-nine years later I am still apprenticed. Not to Wren. He died in 2003. I am apprenticed to the work itself — to the pack, to the researchers I fund, to the very slow pace at which biological knowledge actually accrues. Every quarter I notice how little I still know, and I have come to welcome the noticing. It is the only reliable signal that I am paying attention.
We had a moment this quarter where two of our grants — one clinical, one bench — converged on the same compound. I wrote about it in the February Dispatch. What I did not say there, because the Dispatch is not the place for it, is that the convergence scared me. Not because I worry the work is wrong. Because success creates a pull toward overreach. When something works you want to explain it. When you explain it prematurely you bend the next experiment to make the explanation hold. I have seen good careers end that way.
The corrective, for me, is the same corrective Wren taught me about a pack. Watch the thing that is not moving. The dingo that is interesting is often not the one chasing. It is the one at the edge of the track, holding still, reading the ground. In science the researcher worth watching is often not the one publishing. It is the one who is still asking the question a year after the rest of the field has moved on.
We are trying to run the Foundation the way Wren ran a trackline. Slowly. Against the grain of the moment. With the patience to be wrong and the humility to keep showing up. In four years we have made mistakes — a failed collaborative platform, an under-funded grant, two grants I should have backed harder and didn't. We have also put money into the hands of thirty-six researchers who are working on questions nobody else will pay for. On most days that feels like enough.
To the grantees reading this: thank you for running with us. To the researchers who have not yet written in: write in. To the friends who have held this whole thing up with their quiet reading — and you know who you are — thank you for reading. The pack teaches. I am still listening.
FOUND.
2023